And so it begins

A bad combination

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 15:22:35 +0200

Okay...so, not to sound ridiculously sentimental or anything, but I really wish I was at home right now! And by home I mean my boring, ordered, regular home back in Northern Ireland. When I was at home I had so much control over anything I did. My life was boring, yes, but I knew what was going to happen next. Plus, at home I was in the same league of learning as everyone else.

So, I was sitting in my English seminar earlier on and we were looking at a really stupid poem by Spenser (who I HATE) and the teacher kept asking me for my opinion and then everything I said was wrong, I was seriously close to tears! It felt like she was deliberately asking me because she knew I'd be wrong and then someone else would make the same exact point I just made and she'd say, "Yes! Good! That's it!" WTF?!

Then, to make matters worse, out of all the creative writing pieces, the CREW teacher said that she was editing mine- WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY WORK?!
I'm used to being in the top ten of my year at school- to come here and apparently not do anything right- it's a bit like HELL.

As if I couldn't feel rubbish enough, everyone at university both here and back at home have been updating their facebook statuses to say they're going home for the weekend, all of them with smiley faces- LUCKY GITS. I thought I'd avoided homesickness but I guess not. I just wish I could go home, you know?

So, anyway, I was listening to 'Home' (the Michael Bublé version) and it just made me cry so much because I DO want to go HOOOOME! And i didn't think I did...

As if all this homesickness and failure wasn't enough, all my friends from home are being really unresponsive- it's always me who makes the calls and asks them about their unis and tries to keep in touch but none of them seem at all bothered so I've decided I'm not going to bother making an effort anymore- they can all forget me if they like, it shouldn't always have to be me making the effort- that's not friendship, that's slavery!

Plus, the girls here who I did call my friends are all becoming so close with each other that they too have gotten fed up with me- probably have realised I'm not happy all of the time, not enthusiastic and stick thin and girly girl-ish like they are and have decided they can't be bothered anymore.

I guess that's my life, though, either home or away. Still, I wish I could go home and cuddle my little dog, Elle, because she alone listens to me.

Comments

A New Place

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 16:45:13 +0200

From where I am sitting, I can see many things. Amongst these things are my mini television, my Ipod speakers and...oh yes...about 100 windows facing me! That's right (or should I say write) I've come to Uni halls.

So, already, I'm starting to really enjoy being here. For starts, I'm finally FREE from dreary Nothern Ireland! Secondly, I have made AMAZING new friends in my flat- I really think we could be friends for life! Thirdly, I'm back in class again which is SUCH a relief after lazing around at home all of summer! And fourthly, tonight I am heading out to a Casino/James Bond night with my College.

The only way life could get any better (and maybe curb my dangerous obsession with sniffing permanent markers) is if that jerkish boy in all my lectures would stop acting like a twat and realise I'm perfect for him. I mean, we've done the quiz and everything and it says we're a perfect match- well, in Twilight terms anyway!

See, this is what happened: Start of the week: we're getting on amazingly well. He waits for me outside class and we sit together and smile at each other and all that sort of attractive bashfulness- plus, I'm blind to anyone else and only see him- regretfully the same still applies.

BUT:- within a few hours, after saying goodbye at one lecture, by the next one in the afternoon he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. He promised to meet me at class so I wait outside. He shows up, looks right at me and WALKS ON PAST! I'm thinking at this point "WTF?!" So I go into the classroom, sit in the same row as him although not right beside and greet him with a friendly "Hello" and a smile. Or maybe it was a grimace... can't really recall. He looked straight through me.

Why?!

So, yeah, he hasn't talked to me since and I've only seen him in classes from a distance (due to me running late, not anything creepy!) but I'm hoping come Monday he'll still want to know me. I really want to get to know him better and I hope this isn't an abrupt ending to all my hopes of a new friend.

All being said, even if he didn't come around to my way of thinking (although I can't see why he wouldn't), I guess I can't complain about my life here so far!

Uni is going fine so far and it's getting colder and colder- it's bloody freezing most days = things can only get colder (or better as the phrase may go)

Yours sincerely,
Let Loose on Web

Comments

A pleasant surprise...I think

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 23:10:02 +0200

So, as any other dreary summer day, I was sitting at home with my sisters when, lo and behold, we decided to do something else than just watch Veronica Mars. So, you ask, what could be a fun activity for us to do? Go to a funfair? Nope. Watch a movie? Nope. Go out for lunch. Wrong again. Nah, we decided to go and get our bras fitted! Woop woop!

So, I haven't been measured since I was about 13 and was buying my first bra at which stage I was a 34AA, i.e. MINISCULE and I don't think I've really improved much in that area since then- we are on a whole a small chested family..although my dad could do with losing a few pounds lol... anywho, I was in the little cubicle trying on all kinds of bras and I hadn't actually heard what size I was but I was expecting to be at some awkward stage in between 34A and 34B but alas, to my greatest amusement- it turns out I am a 34D

How in the name of Merlin's most baggy Y-fronts did that happen?

Anyway, this caused me great amusement for the rest of the day...not to mention a great sense of jubilation! Avast!

Then again, does this mean I've put on weight?? I flipping well hope not but most likely it does...so I guess I'd better get on to the sit-ups again...

Still, overall, it was a day of many surprises, a day of many joys and a day I finished by scrubbing up a floor at work on which some asshole had smashed a jar of pasta sauce! Goodie gumdrops *cough*

Comments

She's baaack!

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 14:54:15 +0200

Since I haven't written anything on here for ABSOLUTELY AGES I decided it was about time to give it a whirl again..that's to say, I don't mean an actual whirl because that doesn't make any sense...but either way, I will be writing again- and it's good to be back!

As I am now getting ready to moooove out of this "God-forsaken scrap of land" (as Captain Jack would call it), otherwise known as Northern Ireland, I felt that now was a good time to start writing again- in the hopes that interesting things might actually start happening to me now I am leaving for University (FINGERS CROSSED!)

The results last Thursday were both good and bad. The first (and greatest thing) was that I got into my first choice and therefore the boat my parents already booked to travel is not a complete waste (although I would have been RAAAGING if it had been! The not so good part was that I didn't get AAA so I don't qualify for the bursary I was offered at Uni. However, it's all water under the bridge and I'm leaving so that's the main thing!

Speaking of water under the bridge, is everyone familiar with a Russian gentleman named Rasputin?! If you are then you'll realise why I mentioned him at this particular moment haha. If you haven't heard of him then look him up- he's seriously spooky!

Anywho, I hope to write fairly frequently, whenever I decide I need to just blurt out all my emotions and I don't want to share them with anyone. I decided a while ago, after a particularly nasty falling out with a friend that, perhaps from time to time, it really is better if I keep my emotions to myself! I don't always need to take offense and get hurt and inflict my hurt on other people, do I? So, I made a vow that I will never again fall out with a friend because it just means my summer was a lot more boring than usual! So, instead of sharing my emotions, perhaps my blog is a good place to leave these feelings...at the door, so to speak.

It's good to be back and you'll be hearing from my soon, my ever allusive blog followers!

Faretheewell!

Comments

Heathcliffe

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 21:54:18 +0200

For all those avid romance novels readers...you will know all about the mythical male character of Wuthering Heights, surrounded by fog and many many scary moores, Cathy calls frantically, "Heathcliffe! Heathcliffe!" Even when she is dead, she still does it. THIS IS ROMANCE.

As my very own Heathcliffe has just left for university in Liverpool, I figured it was about time I wrote a blog entry all about him. You see, the funny thing is, I am REALLY sad about him going away because he is my perfect man...but I am also happy that throughout the time I knew him he never once disappointed me, a lot more than I can say for any other boy I have encountered.

How I met him: While I endlessly beeped through groceries of ungrateful customers, I triumphed on the weeks I was placed on a till directly opposite the freezer aisles. There I would see Heathcliffe, wearing his special freezer gloves which acquired him his Heathcliffe nickname as they are VERY wuthering heights gentlemanly. Ever smile we would share was amazing, ever time his hand would brush mine as we passed on aisles.... those were the early days...then things started to progress...

I would see him in the staffroom, withstanding the peerpressure of the other immature boys, acting outstanding and quietly composed, I smiled at him with awe and surprise...as you would! The first time I ran into him as we passed through doors, I gazed into his eyes and my heart flipped in the air...those perfect ocean blue eyes were so deep and soulful Then...he started talking to me...just making comments like asking me the time or saying hello...I was SHOCKED!

Then, one fateful evening, he was placed on a till next to me and we got to know each other well. I found out that he enjoyed phantom of the opera and playing classical guitar, that he wanted to be a pharmacist and that he owned two horses...further adding to the Heathcliffe image <3

Then, as we would play and laugh and generally have good fun...Tesco suddenly became a less scary and lonely place...nobody else would except me for who I am . The night he taught me to play pool: hahahahaha, he couldn't believe how crap I actually was! I seriously couldn't even hold the stick thingy at all! He also ate my chocolate cake that night...just came dancing into the room to the sound of "Hey Ya" by Outkast, made me smile as I binge ate chocolate cake feeling like lowest of the low and he made me LAUGH...in Tesco!!! That just didn't happen!!

Then, lo and behold, last night was his last night working in Tescos....now, this is our ultimate Cathy and Heathcliffe moment...y'all ready for this?? So, as I had earlier found out, he had just broken up with his girlfriend (a mutual decision as their unis were far apart- even his breakups are admirable )
He came to my till just as he was leaving and said, "You didn't think I'd leave without saying goodbye, did you??" All I could really say was "mgghghwhawaf" bear in mind that there were customers waiting to be served at my till, watching the whole scene. I hugged him for ages (good big strong man hugs..he didn't disappoint my hugging expectations =]) then I said in the strongest voice I could manage, "If you're ever back this side of the world, look me up!" and he smiled and said, "Look after yourself. Good luck in the future!" BUT then he said "Can I have your mobile number?" Obligingly I wrote it on a receipt despite some pen glitches. Then he hugged me again and with one last shared look, he was gone...

and I was alone...

without my Heathcliffe!

God, I need a hobby!

Letlooseonweb xoxo

"May angels lead you in" Heathcliffe, you will always be my perfect man!

Comments

Good goodness, I'm going BAAlistic!!

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 21:03:57 +0200

As I sit here, bored as a pyromaniac without any matches, watching some crazy beardy men cook naan bread on tv, I think to myself, 'Is this REALLY how the rest of my summer is going to be?' Like, I went out at the weekend when I wasn't working and I really enjoyed it...just being out, seeing people, drinking cocktails, pretending to be 18...the usual fun! Now, though, I have no plans AT ALL this week!

Not only do I have no plans but the weather is CRAP and will not stop raining at all. It has been torrential downpour for days, occasionally stopping to be all soggy and dull...and then it begins again, on and on and on (a bit like I'm going on about the rain) I mean, fair enough, the pathetic fallacy of the weather is decidedly satisfactory but I'm really not as miffed as the weather is letting on! It must be reflecting a serial suicidal's mood at the minute, the amount of rain that is pissing out of the sky.

Then again, can I really complain? I do live in Northern Ireland...it's what it's good at. Raining, that is. What else is there? Sheep?

Now that I mention sheep...I was walking up a mountain the other week and we were following this little rocky path and there were SHEEP just standing there on either side! Practically in touching distance they were so close...and we just walked through in subdued awe (well I did anyway) and the sheep just watched us...looking wild and sheepish :S what the fleeep?

What else is happening? Well, my darling camera is back! he's a bit stiff but otherwise perfectly healthy and working again! Yay! Now I will actually be able to tell if I have people's full faces in or just noses, cheeks or eyebrows because HALLELUJAH, some brilliant person invented the digital camera! I totally love you, whoever that was! I would totally have you babies, whoever you are! I would totally dress up as a bunny or whatever else your fetish is and dance around you in a circle (doing The Egyptian at that)

Good times, good times

xo xo

Letlooseonweb (Christine)

Comments

Results

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:58:57 +0200

WOW!!! They certainly went a lot better than planned! Actually am still in shock at how well they went!
-In English I got an A!!!!!!!! Not just any A though but FULL MARKS in the hardest module! How on earth did I manage it??? But it does mean I have to eat my hair...sexy dance is already done though so that part is all good!
-In R.E I got an A as well so was very happy with that I must say!
-In Music however I only got a B which I was fairly miffed about It is meant to be my best subject...it was the one I actually thought I'd done best in...who knew??

So...I'm pretty chuffed! I'll just try my best to keep it up next year and then hopefully I can get into Newcastle University with my required AAB grades!

Woop woop!

Anyone else got their results yet?

xo xo

Letlooseonweb

Comments

RESULTS!!

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 21:33:40 +0200

After about 8 WEEKS of denial, I have finally decided I need to face up to the fact that I'M GETTING MY RESULTS TOMORROW!!!

CRAP BUGGER GRRR!

I have actually, except for a few exceptions, managed to not think about my results the whole summer so it was going well..but now that I've laid out my outfit for tomorrow (yes, I am one of THOSE kinds) it has started to sink in that perhaps, after all, I may have to go into school and find out just how badly I have done!

I'm just thankful that this is only my AS exams so I have one more year to try and stop screwing up... (I have bought lots of cool stationary in the hopes of inspiring myself into concentrating in class).

Several bad scenarios about tomorrow:

1/ I screw up and get 3 D grades and basically give up now and take on a full time job in Tescos

2/ I get a C and am banned from leaving my room at weekends for the whole year because I'll be working at making the C into an A

3/ I get an A in English... after the exam I screwed up so badly that I told basically anyone who would listen that if I got an A in english I would eat my hair and they are totally going to hold me to that... Then again, if I got an A it would nearly be worth it eating my hair because it would be so incredible and unlikely and I would ACTUALLY sexy dance on top of the school principal...poor Raymond may have a heart attack.

So...there's the dilemmas right there

P.S. Anyone who read my previous post about my camera problems regarding my Camp photos, SOME OF THEM CAME THROUGH!

Have already added them to Bebo and will promptly add them to my blog page as well... if you're wondering who THE boy is...he's the really hot one lol

xo xo

Letlooseonwed (Christine)

Comments

Rawr!

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 22:38:27 +0200

OMW! I am suddenly gripped by something I can only describe as "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHKNFIOBWEGIBOGBOIBGOIAJIOJ[EJGPgn!!!" so yeah...I really want to yell at someone but nobody is really to blame, so I decided instead I would rant on my blog...I am so glad I joined this site because now hopefully I shall be able to yell and generally make an eejit of myself on here without people in public doing that whole raise eyebrow/shift away thing!

Then again, saying that nobody to blame is not strictly true.

That stupid boy of camp is getting to me too much, I can't even say why because I like to think I am fiercely independent and that I don't need any boy to tell me what to do..or how to be feeling either. He's more confusing me than anything though...what does everyone think

So I decided that I would try and be a generally lovely person and turn over a new leaf because I have been quite mean in the past so I wrote him a lovely long email about how I was going to try and
1. Compliment him every day. I know that seems weird but I know he is lacking in self- confidence and I thought it would really help me on crap days to have someone just being there and saying, "You have a lovely smile" every so often, you know? Was that so wrong?

and then 2. I was going to send him a new song each day that I thought he would like because, while we compared ipods I discovered that our itunes libraries must be nearly identical because we have so much music choices in common so i thought it would be nice to have someone to compare music with as well... was I so wrong??

So he just hasn't replied at all and I'm thinking, 'That's some bad voodoo, right there'

Then, it didn't help that I read 'The Bell Jar' by Sylvia Plath this afternoon (which, by the way, is a REALLY good book- like seriously fascinating and she writes...just so...like blogging really, such a relateable style...although that might show my instability as her character ended up in an asylum...*ahem*) and it's not the most positive book...nor is it meant to be, but it's such a feminist, angry book that it just made me feminist and angry..ha ha!

So... what on earth am I rambling about?

Yeah, well it didn't help my mood by the weather doing that amazing pathetic fallacy thing...I was lying in the conservatory reading my angry book and the rain actually was CRAZY...then LIGHTNING came and even some thunder and it was just like 'Yes!!!' I love it when that happens...

Might make myself go to bed soon to avoid yelling at an actual person...already had a battle over the lasagne with my sister where she actually tried to strangle me... I was shocked too, that sort of thing has happened since she stabbed me in the arm with her fork- there was actual fork marks- GOOD ACTUAL GRIEF!

Anyway, guess I should go to bed now

Have a nice sleep, everyone!

xo xo

Letlooseonweb (Christine)

Comments

Serious SPAZ!

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 15:05:02 +0200

Okay, so today I did something EXTREMELY stupid!

So two weeks ago, I took my gorgeous little Samsung camera (which is purple) to the beach beacause I thougt, 'Oooh isn't it sunny here FOR ONCE, wouldn't it be nice to take some pretty pictures with my nearly brand new camera of me and my friendy Claire on the beach?'
NO, I WAS WRONG!
We took a few pictures then...somehow, I'm not sure how... I DROP my camera lens downward into the sand. Yes, you guessed correctly, the lens shield filled with tiny grains of sand and managed to close over it and now refuses to open.
I was devastated actually, I was only getting to know my new little friend and he was so PRETTY (I am still talking about the camera, I think!) so, anyway, I sent it back to Curry's who sent him away to get repaired which meant that, obviously, he wouldn't be back in time for camp which was in four days so I went to the chemist and bought a disposable camera- it was red and sparkly and extremely tacky but it did the job and I wouldnt have been to devastated if it happened to get misplaced at camp because obviously it was worth nearly £200 less than my other camera.
Anyway, after my wonderful camp when I had taken some pictures which, I assured myself, were lovely (it was hard to tell whether we were actually in the screen of the camera when taking pictures of myself with other people...as was my usual habit on the digital one when I could fix it by viewing the back screen, saying 'woops' pressing delete and lowering my camera but, anyway, in all actuality it was probably 27 pictures of the tops of heads but this morning I decided to get the pictures developed so I strolled down to the chemist, went up to the desk, OPENED MY CAMERA and handed them the film!

WHO KNEW YOU WEREN'T MEANT TO OPEN THE BACK OF DISPOSABLE CAMERAS???

So, yeah, that really sucks....

The chemist people said they'd still give it ago so...fingers crossed that there are still some pictures although I think it's quite unlikely...

Aww well, I shall let you know whether they worked or not...

For goodness sake, what else could possibly go wrong this week??

xo xo

Letlooseonweb (Christine)

Comments

The Curse (and Blessing) of Curves

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 20:43:17 +0200

Her bone structure screams
"Touch her! Touch her!"
And she's got the curse of curves
So with the combination of my gift with one liners
And my way
My way with words
It seems I'm too hip to keep tight lipped
And you're on the gossip team
You're making something out of nothing
And jealousy's the cousin, the cousin of greed
The inside lingo had me at hello
And we go where the money goes
The inside lingo had me at hello
And we go where the money goes

I want someone provocative and talkative
But it's so hard when you're shallow as a shower
And from what I've heard with skin you'll win

Most of us now these lyrics as the lyrics of a really cool song by Cute is What We Aim For but I have decided to research into why it isn't such a curse to have some curves!
Because, God Forbid, I see a piece of chocolate brownie cake in the cupboard and think, 'Screw it, I've got to have the cake!' or if I happen to forget for a minute to constantly exercise and I gain a pound or two...what IS the big deal? I want to prove that it is sometimes a good thing to be just that little bit volumptious.

Risks of being super skinny:

1.Higher chance of being unable to have children. Maybe a blessing to some who have already decided, 'I don't want children' but wouldn't it be nice to have the option?

2. A larger chance of dying of Cardiac Arrest (heart problems) Now that's attractive!

3. Decreased blood pressure

4. Ulcers (ewwww)

5. BLOOD POISONING

6. Most people suffering from an eating disorder are depressed, lacking in confidence and feeling hopeless

7. Decayed tooth enamel (My sister, the dentist, cringes at the sight of someone with bad teeth....when you don't eat, your teeth rot and may even FALL OUT!)

8. Your hair may be like straw and your skin will become more greasy and HAIRY (*cringes*)

The blessing of curves:

1. In later life, you will be a healthy sized elderly woman (or man) with less chance of bone breakage or bone related problems)

2. You will please your boyfriend who (in most cases) likes having something soft to grab onto )

3. You will be an excellent sexy dancer (pretty much in the style of Beyonce...quite the workout!!!)

4. You will be able to, every once in a while, just for the sake of it say, "Screw it, I want some cake!" and not be wracked with guilt and make yourself sick (hopefully)

I think curves are beautiful and so does Cute is What We Aim For who actually prove by their lyrics that they do not consider curves a curse except because they are such a great appeal to so many of the lesser sex!

Remember: You are beautiful. Do a sexy dance! Eat cake!!

xo xo

Looseontheweb (Christine)

Comments

It is me

Sun, 10 Aug 2008 19:32:55 +0200

The first thing I notice when I walk into a room usually comes down to what or who is in a room. How about if you are faced with only a room full of rubber ducks? Pretty amazing, right? Well...my point being that the first thing you would obviously notice is, well, rubber ducks. If you're faced with a whole room of, well, nothing...that is, just air (atoms) then what is there to observe? Nothing, right?

Sometimes I worry that when I walk into the room...people are faced with the same thoughts....what is there to be seen except, well, nothing?

Depressing first post, eh?

Actually, at the minute I do not feel too bad.

I have just returned from THE most amazing camp ever! It was an SU adventure camp for 15-18 year olds and you really meet some interesting people as well as getting some interesting bruises all over your very interesting body (okay, okay, I took the adjective too far, I admit it!) Usually at this camp I feel completely inadequate because all the girls are so glamorous, even when drenched in sea weed in an unflattering and ill-fitting wetsuit with no make up whatsoever but this year, I actually felt like I belonged...probably because about half of the girls were already my friends and they're just so amazing that they were always complimenting me on everything.

Now, I'm not sure what your religious beliefs are but before I went to this camp I was dubious... an SU camp?? (For all you non-UK ers, S U stands for Scripture Union and is a Christian society which organises camps/missions) I did consider myself a Christian but I was seriously doubting the whole thing, I had been so hurt in the past year that I was thinking, "Can God really exist in the world as it is today?"

After camp, I can honestly say: God lives and moves among us. Wow! The presence of God was actually unbelievable...I actually started crying I could feel him so much and had to go for a walk on my own to be with him and try and listen....it was a truly amazing experience.

Have any of you had similar experiences?

What was I talking about anyway?

Oh yeah...well I definitely think that camp helped me so much and I definitely met...interesting people (OKAY, I'm seriously going to stop saying the word 'interesting' now!)

Let's just say that the C dawg herself has had to drop her cynical ways because...in all honesty, I have met someone who could completely fulfill me....except for his obvious problem of already being attached...WHICH he didn't tell me about the whole week!

How annoying is that??? Can anyone explain to me how someone could spend a whole week letting me practically drape myself over him, with everyone making comments about us and not happen to mention the whole week that he has had a girlfriend for NINE MONTHS??? It was seriously shocking to find out from someone else on the last night....when afterwards, I still proceeded to lie on top of him in his bed and make strangely suggestive comments (by accident of course) I don't know what made me lie on top of him...maybe I wanted to push him to see if he mentioned his girlfriend...maybe I just wanted to forget about her and think about myself for once...maybe I just wanted to see what it felt like to be the other woman? In all honesty...it didn't feel all that bad...it's nice to have a challenge...but I don't want to make him dump her because I'd feel bad for her...at the same time, I can see us happening eventually...boys are weak, you never know what might happen...

xo xo

Letlooseonweb (Christine)

Comments